The abuse that shifted my fears

Two-minute read.


As the year nears a close, I thought to share something “quite disturbing” about my childhood, hoping it might help a parent or guardian somewhere make some appropriate decisions.

I grew up in the boondocks where everything was as green (or if you like untamed) as the kales we used to eat. As kids, we knew very little about the existence of any sort of harm beyond our control. What we only feared were wild beasts and thunder, and what we respected most were our elders.

We feared wild beasts because they were the only immediate physical harm available in the forests surrounding our homesteads, and we feared thunder because of its extraordinary rumblings and the myths around lightning. We respected our elders because we acknowledged that they were our immediate protection against these fears (for this, we felt very safe being around them).

I didn’t know that one day, still as early as at my childhood, this belief would change for me – that the fears would be shifted to ‘other things’ and the respect ‘tamed’.

My mother was both a caring woman and a stern disciplinarian. My dad, on the other hand, was bossy and quite generous. He worked for a telecommunication company in a town far from home. My sisters love for him was inexplicable.

During the long December holidays, when schools closed for my elder siblings, we would visit dad and spend some time with him. But I was only so young and clueless about many things. And I was such a “beautiful” kid, my mum often tells me, that people kept bothering her about my sexual orientation (I’ll speak about this in another post).

I had not even started school, yet these memories keep wringing up my mind like a washerwoman wringing a wet piece of cloth (most of us began schooling at an age of six since nursery schooling, then, ran for only a year).

It was during these visits that a long-term harm to my soul would then occur. On such spendings at my father’s rented house in town, especially when my elder siblings had gone out to play, run an errand or stroll in town and dad too was at work, I’d be left with the rentals’ caretaker.

I can’t remember how old this man was or the exact look on his face, but I do remember that he liked yams and milk tea, and I happened to love food. So whenever I was at his house, I’d be sure of taking these. Staying with him was therefore a no-objection for me.

But beyond his tea, the man did something to me that has never faded off my memory. The scenes are blurred with the years lived after and the episodes tainted with new events, but the imprints of the playful sexual abuse are manifest.

The pains linger in my mind. The shadows of an older respected fellow luring a kid the age of his youngest son to “give him head” took away this little boy’s respect for grownup boys and replaced it with fear, overwhelming fear. And yet still, no one in the boy’s family has ever known. He chose to forgive and move on, but the memories are painful and the damage irreparable.


Dear parent, do mind who you let your kids stay around.

23 Comments

  1. Mike U. says:

    I’m so sorry to learn you had to endure such a horrific experience as a child. I hope the ensuing years have brought healing and peace to you. This is heart-breaking. Sending you thoughts of light and hope from Colorado, USA.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my dear friend. Indeed it was horrible. I have been trying very much not to dwell on it. You see, i was a child and didn’t understand what was being done to me, but later when I grew up and heard of stories of children being abused and the various means people seek sexual pleasure, the scenes of these happenings began to unfold in my memory and I felt bitter and knew what had been done to me was wrong. I have never told anyone how sad it feels to me, but these days i conjecture that sharing is important. I used to wonder why growing up I feared grownup males really awefully. I didn’t know it was my mind trying to shun what was done to me. But I’m in the process of healing, and believe I’ll get over it. Thanks for consoling me, Mike. It means a lot when someone else can understand the pain you’ve been through. πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mike U. says:

        Sharing can certainly help, although it can be terrifying to open up to others about things from the past. You are a courageous fellow, Lamittan. Your strength and resolve will see you though, and will help others who have experienced what you’ve endured. Thank you for sharing this with us. Hearts and souls can heal, and that’s my prayer for you. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks. I find great comfort in such kind words. Thanks for asserting my bravery, man. After sharing, i now feel at ease with my past. Maybe my story will help someone somewhere take care.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Daphny Aqua says:

    It’s heartbreaking when one goes through that and I salute you for having the courage to make this post, forgetting incidents like that are hard and it’s stuck inn your memory forever even if you try to forget. All I can say is we got to try our best from letting that eat us alive for our own sake, I do hope you have the strength and courage to heal. Remember I told you I am not much scared of ghost? It’s because humans gave me much more reason to be scared. sending you much love. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, my dear Daphny!! Once again you’ve lit up my face just when I was beset with gloom. Mentioning that story about ghosts and the spooky night you felt them has absolutely returned some mirth on my teeth 🀣. You know how it’s a topic that thrills me. And yes, we agreed to get over our sad pasts and try to embrace the goodness in front of us, and ain’t that liberating to say again! I am gonna keep true to it, always. I forgave, it’s just hard to forget. I’m happy you’re here, dear. Your comfort means a lot to me. Thank you and thank you so much again. β€β€πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Daphny Aqua says:

        I’m glad to hear that my misery lit up your face πŸ€ͺπŸ˜‚
        I know forgetting is easier said than done but those memories needs to be burnt down and kept away for good and I do hope in time you will, I know you can. You are much more braver than you think you are and having the courage to write this already makes you a strong person. You’re very much welcome dear, will always be there. πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My pleasure πŸ’– And, holy catfish, I’m not finding comfort in your misery but in the hilarious and open-minded way we talked about it, just like friends trying to easen a tough situation and trying to find reasons to smile even when it’s hard to. Your moral support makes me emotionally moved. I’m glad we can still smile, and yes… this must be razed down completely πŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Daphny Aqua says:

        That was suppose to be a joke πŸ˜…
        I do hope with time you can and you will, I wish you the best in your journey ahead. πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      4. πŸ€πŸ˜…πŸ˜‡πŸ’―okay. My pleasure, dear Daphny πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Daphny Aqua says:

        πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

        Like

  3. Rehoboth says:

    thats nice post

    Like

  4. You are a testament of your hardship Lamittan and the possibilities that exist when you take lemons and make lemonaide!πŸ’–πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Cindy my friend, for such benevolent and consoling words. Indeed the hard past is a testimony that today is worth living and enjoying in every stride. I’m forever grateful. πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s truly my pleasure and happy that they were taken to heart. You have a wonderful way with words and I’m grateful you’ve come out the other side. And i am too!! πŸ’–πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Holy catfish, ain’t that thrilling to hear, Cindy! Words are the beauty of every writer, and you too are charming at it. I’m well pleased, dear. πŸ’–πŸ‘

        Liked by 1 person

      3. hahaha now that’s a term i haven’t heard.. for a long while. It’s so true and happy we’re both pleased 1πŸ’–πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      4. πŸ˜… My pleasure too πŸ’–πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

      5. πŸ’–β€οΈπŸŒ·

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Terveen Gill says:

    I wish you well and hope the healing continues. I’m horrified by the demons that live amongst us. And preying on a child…it’s so sickening. I appreciate your strength and courage. Many keep such secrets hidden inside them forever. God bless you. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comfort and kind words, dear. Yeah, there are some extremely vicious people in this world, parents and guardians ought to beware. And yes, I am in the tough process of healing and will slowly get over it. Talking about our painful past is an important stage of the entire process of healing. I’m ever so grateful for your presence here and for such noble and soul-soothing words. πŸ™πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so sorry to learn of what you experienced and what your soul still grapples with. I hope your soul continues to heal and find comfort in knowing others welcome your heart and healing with open arms.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, so kind and comforting of you to say. Thanks, dear. It was a tough and dirty experience as a child but I’m healing out of it. This sharing, I guess, was one step in the healing process. πŸ’–πŸ’•πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

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